On many occasions, I have heard how a couple’s relationship can suffer a strong beating after their bundle of joy has arrived. You are constantly tired, because you just had a baby. You have domestic help, but are they reliable?
Your husband hips in to help, but is it truly enough? Or is he giving you more trouble and pressure with his complains, on how he doesn’t receive any TLC (tender loving care) from you anymore? There are not enough hours in the day to squeeze in everything that needs to be done. Without constant effort and understanding, the loving couple who started a loving family can easily drift apart.
Child at Heart
In most relationships, the woman is the primary nurturer, caring for both the home and the relationship in an instinctively maternal way. Because of this, it’s not a surprise that he’s remarking about losing your nurturing attention, or sulking about having to share your love, or be resentful about not being the centre of your world?
We are all multi-functional beings with numerous roles. He is now a father. Yet, don’t forget that he is also a child at heart. He may not admit it, but he enjoys being nurtured by you. Does he love it when you make him a sandwich, run him a bath, surprise him with a treat, and care for him when he’s sick? Do some of these gestures from time to time, and watch how his eyes sparkle with childlike delight.
Assure, and Reassure Him
You have the ability to ease his fears. Assure him, frequently that you have enough love to go around. Learn how women you admire make time for their relationship as well as their kids. Discuss how, as a couple, you can establish ground rules and traditions to make sure you keep the romance alive, from committing to a weekly ‘date night’ to ensuring a bedtime routine that allows for couple intimacy.
Implement What’s Feasible
It’s imperative to carve out time to spend with each other. Treat it as you would with a work appointment. Yes, it sounds extremely unromantic, yet is necessary when your schedules become erratic. This might be the one thing that might save your sanity and even marriage. And, if possible, go somewhere out of the house. Hire a babysitter (or ask a relative or friend to watch the kids), go out to dinner, and take the time to stare into each other’s eyes again. Go to a movie and snuggle up to him in the dark. Take a walk on the beach, listen to the waves and reconnect. After all, you married because you loved him – not to run a childcare service with him!
Note to Anxious Parents
I already know what some of you are thinking – “I want to, but I can’t because”…
• My child will cry his or her eyes out without me/ us around. Your child is in good care, is more resilient than you think, and will get used to the idea of you needing ‘me’ or ‘daddy-mommy’ time.
• My child gets jealous when we are affectionate in any way. Your child doesn’t understand that this is what is important for your relationship but he/she will get used to it and see it as the normal, healthy behaviour that it is.
• My child ___________________ (fill in the blank). Trust me, your child will live and thrive.
Never forget, your marriage is the backbone of your family. It needs to stay strong in order for your child to be happy, healthy and to ensure the longevity and sturdiness of your family. Long after your kids are grown and gone, you two will still be together. Remember your other ‘baby’.
Byline: Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and provides sex and life coaching, runs sex educational workshops and gives public talks.
Showing posts with label articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label articles. Show all posts
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Brain Stimulation for Babies - Myth of Fact
Brain stimulation for babies has often been a contentious subject for many parents. Many parents may doubt the efficacy of these child development programmes due to the difficulty in observing immediate beneficial effects. Many may in fact deem the entire idea of brain stimulation as a myth promulgated by brain stimulation centers as a way to make a quick profit off parents.
However, such thinking would ignore the research that demonstrates the positive impact of child development during early childhood. In the 1960s, a group of scientists in North Carolina sought to prove the efficacy of child development programmes. They came up with the Abecedarian Project in which infants receive early childhood education programmes. The curriculum includes many of educational tools that are prevalent in today’s brain stimulation programmes for babies. This included games that emphasized age appropriate parent child interactions which offer infants ample opportunities to develop their cognition and language skills. And as the child become older, the child development also evolved to emphasize more on individual development.
The results of the Abecedarian Project were astounding as the scientists followed this select group of children from early childhood into their adulthood. The children who had the opportunity to receive this unique childhood education outperform their peers at I.Q. tests and various other academic achievement tests. In fact, they were more likely to complete their college education and secure a skilled job compared to their peers who did not receive similar childhood education. The benefits extended beyond the academic spheres but also into the social spheres. These children are less likely to suffer from teenage pregnancy or get involved in drug and tobacco addiction.
These results firmly dispel the myth that brain stimulation for babies is merely a way to make a quick profit. They clearly show that children who received this type of education in their early childhood are likely to benefit from it throughout their life. As such, it is clear that brain stimulation for babies is more fact than myth.
As such, parents have a duty to ensure that their children receive sufficient stimulation during their early childhood. Effective child development programmes will ensure that their children receive sufficient brain stimulation. This in turn makes sure that their childhood education will provide a solid foundation for them to build upon as they move on with their lives.
Recent research has shown that the environment a child is exposed during his early childhood has a significant impact on the development of his brain. A child’s brain undergoes an enormous amount of development during his early childhood. This presents a time limited opportunity for parents to ensure that the child receives adequate stimulation.
A child is born with brain cells that has a huge capacity and if properly used will allow the child to have phenomenal potential in a wide variety of areas ranging from musical to physical activities. However, if this time-limited opportunity during the early childhood is not taken advantage of, the brain will begin to prune away neurological connections that are not being used. As such, parents have significant influence in deciding whether their children will lag behind their peers in their later life.
A high level of parent child interaction will be of significant impact on the child’s development during his early childhood. This can range from simple activities like playing peek-a-boo or just allowing the child to grab on to the toy that the parent is holding on to. And as the child grows older, this interaction should also evolve to ensure that they are age appropriate and continue to stimulate the development and enhancement of the neurological connections in the child’s brain. For example, to stimulate the growth of his memory capacity, a parent can talk more about past experiences of the child. A child can also build up on his strength if a parent gives him ample opportunities to practice crawling and walking.
During the early childhood, it is also critical that parents avoid negative stimuli for the child. Exposure to negative experiences like abuse or violence will affect the neurological connections of his brain and his future development. As such, parents who are unable to provide constant attention to the child should be careful when they pick their child’s care givers.
With so many critical developments occurring during the early childhood, parents very often feel overwhelmed by the constant need to stimulate the child and to expose them to positive experiences. Hence, parents can turn these responsibilities over to professionals like those at My Little Genius. With a wide range of programmes catering to the age-specific needs of young children, it ensures that the child receives adequate and appropriate stimulation at all stages of his development.
For parents who still find it difficult to accept the importance proper child development during early childhood, they need only to refer to research on feral children. From the late eighteenth century to even today, feral children are often found in the wild. Many of these feral children actually take up the characteristics of the wild animals that have helped to raise them. This may be difficult to believe but one only need to Google feral children to find a myriad of examples.
To use just one example, two girls, Amala and Kamala, were raised by a she-wolf in India. They were described to be ‘wolfish’ in both appearance and behavior. They walk on all fours and were actually fond of raw meat. In fact, like wolves, their tongues are permanently hung out of their lips and they even consumed their food and liquids in a crouched position. Furthermore, they had a very acute hearing and were also able to smell meat from a great distance.
Feral children demonstrate the efficacy of child development to the extreme. Hence, the role of the parent is very critical to a child’s development. Whether the child grows up to be an effective hunter of small animals or a boy genius will be highly dependent on the type of stimulation he receives during his early childhood.
Courtesy from Today's Motherhood reading
However, such thinking would ignore the research that demonstrates the positive impact of child development during early childhood. In the 1960s, a group of scientists in North Carolina sought to prove the efficacy of child development programmes. They came up with the Abecedarian Project in which infants receive early childhood education programmes. The curriculum includes many of educational tools that are prevalent in today’s brain stimulation programmes for babies. This included games that emphasized age appropriate parent child interactions which offer infants ample opportunities to develop their cognition and language skills. And as the child become older, the child development also evolved to emphasize more on individual development.
The results of the Abecedarian Project were astounding as the scientists followed this select group of children from early childhood into their adulthood. The children who had the opportunity to receive this unique childhood education outperform their peers at I.Q. tests and various other academic achievement tests. In fact, they were more likely to complete their college education and secure a skilled job compared to their peers who did not receive similar childhood education. The benefits extended beyond the academic spheres but also into the social spheres. These children are less likely to suffer from teenage pregnancy or get involved in drug and tobacco addiction.
These results firmly dispel the myth that brain stimulation for babies is merely a way to make a quick profit. They clearly show that children who received this type of education in their early childhood are likely to benefit from it throughout their life. As such, it is clear that brain stimulation for babies is more fact than myth.
As such, parents have a duty to ensure that their children receive sufficient stimulation during their early childhood. Effective child development programmes will ensure that their children receive sufficient brain stimulation. This in turn makes sure that their childhood education will provide a solid foundation for them to build upon as they move on with their lives.
Recent research has shown that the environment a child is exposed during his early childhood has a significant impact on the development of his brain. A child’s brain undergoes an enormous amount of development during his early childhood. This presents a time limited opportunity for parents to ensure that the child receives adequate stimulation.
A child is born with brain cells that has a huge capacity and if properly used will allow the child to have phenomenal potential in a wide variety of areas ranging from musical to physical activities. However, if this time-limited opportunity during the early childhood is not taken advantage of, the brain will begin to prune away neurological connections that are not being used. As such, parents have significant influence in deciding whether their children will lag behind their peers in their later life.
A high level of parent child interaction will be of significant impact on the child’s development during his early childhood. This can range from simple activities like playing peek-a-boo or just allowing the child to grab on to the toy that the parent is holding on to. And as the child grows older, this interaction should also evolve to ensure that they are age appropriate and continue to stimulate the development and enhancement of the neurological connections in the child’s brain. For example, to stimulate the growth of his memory capacity, a parent can talk more about past experiences of the child. A child can also build up on his strength if a parent gives him ample opportunities to practice crawling and walking.
During the early childhood, it is also critical that parents avoid negative stimuli for the child. Exposure to negative experiences like abuse or violence will affect the neurological connections of his brain and his future development. As such, parents who are unable to provide constant attention to the child should be careful when they pick their child’s care givers.
With so many critical developments occurring during the early childhood, parents very often feel overwhelmed by the constant need to stimulate the child and to expose them to positive experiences. Hence, parents can turn these responsibilities over to professionals like those at My Little Genius. With a wide range of programmes catering to the age-specific needs of young children, it ensures that the child receives adequate and appropriate stimulation at all stages of his development.
For parents who still find it difficult to accept the importance proper child development during early childhood, they need only to refer to research on feral children. From the late eighteenth century to even today, feral children are often found in the wild. Many of these feral children actually take up the characteristics of the wild animals that have helped to raise them. This may be difficult to believe but one only need to Google feral children to find a myriad of examples.
To use just one example, two girls, Amala and Kamala, were raised by a she-wolf in India. They were described to be ‘wolfish’ in both appearance and behavior. They walk on all fours and were actually fond of raw meat. In fact, like wolves, their tongues are permanently hung out of their lips and they even consumed their food and liquids in a crouched position. Furthermore, they had a very acute hearing and were also able to smell meat from a great distance.
Feral children demonstrate the efficacy of child development to the extreme. Hence, the role of the parent is very critical to a child’s development. Whether the child grows up to be an effective hunter of small animals or a boy genius will be highly dependent on the type of stimulation he receives during his early childhood.
Courtesy from Today's Motherhood reading
The importance of reading
Children of all ages benefit when parents read to them. Reading aloud stimulates the growth of a child’s brain and equipped them with the ability to acquire language skills. In fact, it is the fundamental way of teaching your child how to read. Exposing children to reading opportunities at an early age develop fluent readers than other children who are not read to.
A baby enjoys hearing the parent’s voice even when they do not understand the word. Books with lot of rhyming words are comforting and interesting to them.
A toddler learns how to hold the book and flip pages. They also begin to notice details in the books and relate experience similar to theirs.
A preschooler listens to books with more words. They enjoy following through the sequence of events that happen in the story and enjoys funny stories.
A kindergartner memorize the story before they begin to read. They enjoy retelling or enacting the story to others.
Reading should be a pleasurable activity to children. Reading to your child daily when he or she is in a good mood, is one of the best ways to cultivate your child’s love for reading. When more reading opportunities are provided for your child, you are on your way to cultivating a fluent reader.
Some strategies that parents can adopt:
1. When reading a book with large print, point at each word as you read it. Your child will understand that the word being spoken is the word she sees.
2. Read a favorite book over and over again.
3. Read stories with rhyming words and lines that repeat, and have your child join in.
4. Read from a variety of children’s books, including fairy tales, poems, and non-fiction.
5. Creating a quiet, special place in your home for your child to read, write, and draw.
6. Keeping books and other reading materials where your child can easily reach them. Having her own bookshelf or small bookcase will not only make her feel special, but will also communicate to her that reading is special.
7. Reading books, newspapers and magazines yourself, so that your child can see that reading is important.
8. Limiting the amount and type of television you and your child watch.
2. Read a favorite book over and over again.
3. Read stories with rhyming words and lines that repeat, and have your child join in.
4. Read from a variety of children’s books, including fairy tales, poems, and non-fiction.
5. Creating a quiet, special place in your home for your child to read, write, and draw.
6. Keeping books and other reading materials where your child can easily reach them. Having her own bookshelf or small bookcase will not only make her feel special, but will also communicate to her that reading is special.
7. Reading books, newspapers and magazines yourself, so that your child can see that reading is important.
8. Limiting the amount and type of television you and your child watch.
Courtesy from Today's motherhood reading
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